Everyday SuperWoman

I read the Yarn Harlot quite a lot. If you like to knit, she’s an absolute gem. This post, which I came across last night, actually has nothing to do with yarn–but it really hit home with me.

http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2008/04/24/a_word_about_wee_ones.html

As the parent of a child who is on the autism spectrum, I have dealt with my fair share of public moments that weren’t socially acceptable. I’ve had more than my fair share of nasty glares and muttered comments from people with absolutely no idea what I’m contending with. I am, in fact, hyper-conscious of his behavior (in fact, the behavior of both my kids!) and work to manage his behavior carefully when we’re out in public. I want to be considerate of others, and honestly, at 11, both he and his more typical brother are old enough to understand what the glares and nasty comments mean.

We work hard on public behavior and social skills. In order to do that I have to actually take him out in public. Sometimes, I can’t remove him. Sometimes, things happen. Sometimes I have gotten a kind word of understanding from someone who recognizes what we are dealing with. Sometimes, you see compassion. Often you don’t.

Somehow, people have the idea that they have the right to live their lives without any influence from or consideration of other people. Never shall they hear an unhappy baby. Never will they see a toddler mid-meltdown in a grocery store. Never will they see a child behave unpredictably in public. Never will they see an autistic child who can’t cope or be behind a mentally disabled adult at the grocery store. It’s an inflated sense of entitlement, in my opinion.

This world is filled with all kinds of people–old and young, with abilities and disabilities that can be obvious, but just as often are not. All of these people have the right to exist. All of these people have the right to walk through a grocery store or go out to pizza with their families. All of these people can be out in our world. Most of them are doing the very best they can.

A little compassion and understanding will go a long way.

Join us in the forums for discussion: http://everydaysuperwoman.com/forums/index.php?topic=805.new#new

Posted on April 25th, 2008 by Zippity
Filed under: Our Kids, Friday Linkage | No Comments »

I’ve been making a concerted effort to keep my downstairs extremely tidy. To be perfectly honest, this new foray into cleanliness has very little to do with any kind of reformation or virtue on my part. It is directly related to the 4 month old, lint eating, sock stealing, shoe loving, pencil chewing, cat-box invading, able-to-fish-things-off-the-kitchen-counter Golden Retriever puppy.

I was accustomed to small messes people left around. I didn’t really even see them anymore. Now, a pair of abandoned socks is an instant chew toy. One abandoned pencil can be shredded faster than you can run across the living room to grab it. Entire sticks of butter can disappear from the kitchen counter in the blink of an eye. (Oh, you don’t want to hear about that. Trust me.) In short, I am learning to sweat the small stuff.

I realize now just how much of our debris was caused by small acts. A carton of yogurt eaten and left on the table. Shoes and socks taken off and abandoned. A wooden spoon used to stir the chili (yeah, he got that yesterday), dishes left where they were used, a colored pencil drawing in-progress on the kitchen table, or a pile of mail stacked on the desk. When all those little things are ignored, eventually the messes become larger and larger, and they’re easier to procrastinate because they’ll take so much time, or so much energy, or because it’s overwhelming just to look at them.

Funny thing. The main floor of my house is really tidy now, and I don’t feel like I’m spending a lot of time cleaning…but I am spending a lot more time noticing. Now, when my list says ‘tidy’ it can usually be done in less than 5 minutes. Before, it usually meant “break out a shovel.”

It’s saving me time to notice the little things. It’s saving me energy. It’s considerably easier to get people to help clean up when the task isn’t going to take a lot of their time or energy. And one of these days I might not actually panic if someone says they’re coming over. Huh. Who’d have thought it?

Join us for discussion on the Everyday Superwoman Community Forum: http://everydaysuperwoman.com/forums/index.php?topic=802.new#new

Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Zippity
Filed under: Sane Living | No Comments »

Sometimes I forget that the simplest solution to a problem can also be an excellent solution. For anyone who is looking for somewhere to begin getting their act together, this is a great place to start.   http://zenhabits.net/2007/04/minimal-ztd-the-simplest-system-possible/

While you’re there, enjoy the Zen Habits blog. Lots of great posts about creating quality habits and being productive–without driving yourself nuts doing it!

 Join us for discussion here: http://everydaysuperwoman.com/forums/index.php?topic=787.new#new

Posted on April 18th, 2008 by Zippity
Filed under: Friday Linkage, Goal Setting, Sane Living | No Comments »

I will admit up front that I tend to procrastinate. Most of the time it’s just a bad habit that can leave me scrambling against deadlines or over last minute preparations.

My unfinished projects, however, seem to take on a life of their own. The longer they sit, the more dreaded they become—often out of all proportion to the reality of finishing them. The energy from these projects is stale; it hangs over my head and becomes pollution to my spirit. Even projects begun in fun and enjoyment become chores. Guilt pecks and pecks at me until all the joy in the thing is done and it’s just become a matter of finishing, for heaven’s sake!!

Part of my 101 Things in 1001 Days list was #51: Complete 10 projects that are currently underway, but unfinished. I chose that particular item because recently the weight of the unfinished projects is bearing down on me. These are projects that are not duplicated anywhere else in the list, although the list itself also contains some gems of procrastination! (We will not even discuss here how long I have been grouting the master bathroom shower.)

Here are my 10 Unfinished Projects, in no particular order:

10. Upholster the piano bench. The fabric for this project has been sitting on the piano bench for more than a year now.

9. Finish the Basket Auction and Holiday Bazaar details. These were Nov/Dec PTSA projects that need to be wrapped up and have the books closed. These are no longer large or daunting projects, but they remain heavily on my mind and have really been procrastinated abominably.

8. Spackle the holes in the dining room ceiling and paint it. I removed the fabric that was stapled to the ceiling shortly after we moved in to our home, 8 years ago. I filled about 1/3 of the holes at that time and then stopped.

7. Finish the pink cashmere lace scarf. This particular knitting project is 3 or 4 years old, and it’s halfway done.

6. Finish the cotton baby blanket for DS11’s teacher. This is just past half done. I’d like her to have it before the baby is in elementary school.

5. Paint the two walls upstairs that accidentally got only one coat of paint (two years ago.)

4. Sell the backlog of items that I have that need to go on EBay or Craigslist. Some of these things have been sitting around more than 14 months waiting for me to deal with them.

3. Sew together the pajamas for my sister that have been cut out since last February.

2. Sew liners and zippers in the 3 knit purses that are sitting on my sewing table.

1. Finish Kermitfan’s Sweater.

What do YOU need to finish? What’s weighing on you? Join the discussion in our forums, here.

Posted on January 30th, 2008 by Zippity
Filed under: Goal Setting, Sane Living, Uncategorized | No Comments »

I’ve given up on the organizing books.

I’ve always aspired to be organized. If there was a book written on the subject anywhere, by anyone, I bought it. If there was a plan that was “guaranteed” to have me living an organized life, I tried it. I bought drawer organizers, spinning organizers, file organizers, bathroom organizers, tiny drawers, big drawers, and more plastic tubs than I can possibly count.

So, I should be organized by now, right? Is 12 years of this enough? There are bits and pieces here and there that are like finding gems in a dark mine—tiny nibblets of information that I love and use. But overall, I can quote most of these books chapter and verse by now. Most ‘new’ books on the subject are nothing new to me.

Finally it hit me. I already know how to be organized. Being organized isn’t really my problem at all. In fact, I’m rather good at organization, and under what is fondly known in my house as “the debris field” you will find a pretty well organized base.

My Biggest Obstacles to Organization:

1. Over commitment: I try to do too much. I scatter my resources and don’t leave myself enough time to do what needs to be done.
2. Time Management and Priority Setting: I fail to recognize what’s important at the moment and poorly estimate the amount of time things will take.
3. Procrastination: Things are much harder to deal with once they’ve piled up. Taking care of things in a timely manner is a hard habit to get into, but it’s key to staying organized.
4. Clutter: Once the “junk” is out of the way, organizing what’s left is a cinch.

What are your obstacles to getting organized? Join us in the forums to discuss it here: http://everydaysuperwoman.com/forums/index.php?topic=496.new#new

Posted on January 17th, 2008 by Zippity
Filed under: Organization, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Its quiet …. 

I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out why I’m feeling a little down and I’ve realised that it happens every year after the hustle and bustle of Christmas, New Years and all the festivities in between are over there is this kind of quiet stillness that descends in my life…

I love making New Years resolutions, I’m currently working on the 101 goals in 1001 days idea that Zippity posted about in the previous blog… goal writing always requires some contemplation (especially the way I do them, where I like to devote a whole day to goal setting, project planning each and every bit - but thats a whole other discussion around my rather focussed planning obsessed personality *lol*) but this stillness is something different.. there is a sadness to it, a kind of blue tinge…

I reckon it is due to a combination of things….

Firstly I love Christmas, it is my favourite day of the year! ask any member of my family or my in-laws and they will tell you that I am mad for the Season of Santa - many will tell you I am just mad in general! *lol* …. I spend all year pre-shopping, arranging the perfect gifts, planning the cooking, dreaming about how my tree is going to look and then it happens and its over sooo quickly! those 24hrs seem to fly by! Down here we then have Boxing Day (December 26th), in my family this is like a second day of Christmas but with leftovers! …. its generally calmer, less fuss is made but its still got a big family gathering in it …. but then 24hrs later, that too is over. Then there is the yearly ritual of my mother and I going to the After Christmas Sales together on the 27th December (this is when the major stores open in my city). We hit the stores from 7.30am and get home around 4pm…. this year we filled the back of my car and I drive a 4WD!, but then blink and you’ve missed it - that too is gone… Next stop is New Years Eve, the usual for us….. BBQ picnic on the harbour in my city, fireworks at 9pm and midnight - an evening with good friends, good food and lots of bubbly, glow sticks, sparklers, party poppers and lots and lots of laughter…. but then as quickly as we get there, you guessed it, it is over! …. New Years Day then hits, its a trip to my in-laws for late lunch …. we spend a lazy afternoon on the deck, eating, drinking and chatting - I realise that things are finally starting to slow down, the afternoon seems to last for ages…..

Then we return to work, life gets back to normal, the Christmas tree comes down, the decorations are packed away and all signs of Christmas becomes erased from my home… the days slow down and return to a regular pace…. this for me is when the stillness begins. Mind you, it generally only lasts a couple of days before the invitations to the BBQ’s and gatherings for Jan/Feb start to come in and things start to speed up again but it is still there nevertheless…

This year I’ve decided to take advantage of this stillness - I’m working on my 101 Goals and funneling my energy into those…. I’ve found that instead of rushing through them trying to get them done by the 1st January (as with previous attempts at New Years Resolutions) I’m spending time truely thinking through the goals I am making and trying to make ones that will mean great change, challenges and bring joy to our life… We are so passionate about this process at EDSW, that we have even devoted a whole forum to the topic…… Also I’m also spending more time with my partner just talking and enjoying each others company … we kind of loose our time together over that Christmas/New Years week when we are always on the move from one gathering to another - so this is catch up time for us…

So in January 2008 instead of dwelling on it, I’m working with it, just a subtle mind shift but enough of one to take that blue tinge off!

Do you find yourself feeling a little blue after the holidays? come and add your suggestions or experiences to our discussion thread http://everydaysuperwoman.com/forums/index.php?topic=473.0

Posted on January 12th, 2008 by Fiona
Filed under: holiday, Sane Living | No Comments »

Have you been struggling with your New Year’s Resolutions? Feeling unfocused and scattered by all of the “urgent” things that demand your time and attention? Here’s a great way to help you focus your time, energy, and efforts.

I love this meme. I have a tendency to think in grand, sweeping, all encompassing statements. All or nothing. (See the previous post for some evidence of this.) This is really a natural extension of my resolution to do things that make me happy. Now I’m forced to identify just what those items are and make progress toward making them happen. This kind of list forces me to give some careful thought to my goals—they have to be actionable, specific, and measurable–and to recognize that these goals are there to be pursued over the course of several years, not several weeks, several months, or even a year.

Here are the guidelines for the project, as originally presented at Triplux:

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (i.e. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.

2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.

3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.

4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.

5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

Come join us in the forums for further discussion or to post your own list! http://everydaysuperwoman.com/forums/index.php?topic=439.new#new

Posted on January 5th, 2008 by Zippity
Filed under: Goal Setting, Organization | No Comments »

2007 is winding to a close and I find myself in much the same situation I am in every year in recent memory—struggling with my resolutions for the New Year.

I like to make resolutions. I like the fresh feeling that comes with the New Year, the turn of that calendar page, the blank canvas that the New Year affords us. I like the idea that we can become better at living our lives, better at appreciating our lives, and better at identifying and finding what makes our lives really full.

Here’s my problem: No matter which small and specific resolutions I might make on paper, deep within has always been a tiny voice that whispers seductively to me. By this time next year, it teases, I could be the person that I’ve always wished I was. I call it my Mary Poppins resolution—the resolve that somehow the resolutions I make today will assure that tomorrow I can be “practically perfect in every way.”

I could have a perfectly clean home, well mannered children, bake all my bread from scratch, be kind to animals and find a solution to Seattle’s traffic problems. I could be well-read, write a novel and learn French and travel with my children to Paris and Kenya. I could get up at 5 every morning and greet my family with a smile and a hot breakfast, and never ever go to bed angry with my husband or children. I could buy a farm and raise llamas and make cheese and spin wool into yarn. I could brush the dog’s teeth and make sure the cat takes her vitamins, polish the kitchen floor and iron my husband’s underwear and the bathroom towels. My bills can always be paid on time, the checkbook will always balance, and I will still fit into the clothing I wore in high school because I never skip a workout or eat between meals. I could complete a triathlon, homeschool my children, have a toilet seat you could eat off of (I know, but you could…) and the flowers in my yard will always be beautiful. I could always know the right thing to say or the right thing to do and no one will ever get their birthday card late.

Eat your heart out, Martha.

You realize, of course, that the odds of all of that actually happening are infinitesimal. My husband doesn’t even really like llamas.

It’s time to let go of “perfection.” It’s time to shoot for happy. Perfection pummels us daily with our own inadequacy. Perfection is a soul-stealing excuse for not doing what makes us happy.

So I came to my resolution for this year. I am going to pursue things that make me happy—things that I care about. At the end of next year I don’t want to tally up my bad habits and try to calculate how I can be “better.” I want to look back at 2008, and smile, and say “I’m really happy with the way I spent my time this year. I’m happy with the choices I made, and I’m happy with myself for making them.”

Well, that, and I need to lose about 90 pounds. But I’m convinced that will make me happy, too.

By the way, the University of Washington Addictive Behaviors Research Center offers some fascinating research and insights on New Year’s Resolutions, who is able to keep them, and why. http://depts.washington.edu/resolve/index.html It’s worth a read!

Join us in the forums for discussion—the thread can be found here: http://everydaysuperwoman.com/forums/index.php?topic=400.new#new

–Zippity

Posted on December 27th, 2007 by Zippity
Filed under: holiday, Sane Living | No Comments »

The recipe for cake balls came from the local bank where my daughter was working. I never had heard of them. They were a simple recipe:
• Make a cake from a cake mix, cool
• Mix cake with can of whipped frosting
• Make little balls out of the cake goo
• Dip balls into almond bark
My daughter made them one weekend and just about destroyed the kitchen. There was a coating of chocolate everywhere on the counters and she looked like Lucy after a day working in the candy factor. We were all sick from the chocolate smell. I would almost fry fish to get rid of the sickening sweet odor (well almost).
The next day the kitchen was almost normal and I found that the cake ball, given a bit of distance from candy catastrophe was not as obnoxiously sweet as the night before. Truth be told they were quite good. There were several of us who enjoyed them. I took them to my neighbor who thought they were excellent. The boyfriend took a couple to his Mamma who decided she would make them for the pre Christmas family party. I took some to my Sister who lit up when I opened the small container. We shared them with her elementary age son who loved them The little guy to coerce her to buy the ingredients in the store a couple days later so they could make cake balls.
Chocolate dipping is a messing notion I had pre made the fillings( cake goo) and the chocolate ganache to make truffles. I was not going to roll a zillion balls, but had formed the goo into small bricks that I could cut into squares. The truffles though were going to get rolled. The morning of the chocolate event I jammed my pinkie finger- but it was not on the hand of the one that I dip with. I enlisted my teenage son to chop the two pound bars into small bits to melt in my Pyrex measuring cups. My nuts were chopped and ready. I had parchment paper cut and wire racks to place the chocolate on. Almond bark was out- I purchased big bars of Ghirardelli chocolate at Sam’s for a premium price.
Martha Stewart does not outline all of this in the two minute bit that she might “do” about dipping chocolate- but prep was a big key to the success .The other factor was temperature. Dipping is also a slow event. You don’t do it on the way to Christmas s party for a hostess gift. The morsels take up real estate on the counter tops and the in my second fridge. Containers become a premium item as chocolates don’t sit well in a zip lock bag.
The white chocolate vanilla balls dipped in ground walnuts were pretty. The walnuts and the better quality chocolate made the difference in the taste. The ganache balls needed to be slightly chilled, otherwise the literally melted into the chocolate when one swirled them on the end of a fork. I took a break- let everything chill and iced my finger also.
The second round went faster. I had problems with the devils food- it was too moist and I will use a regular cake chocolate next time. The strawberry flavor was good and came out looking really nice. I was excited to get them done and then clean up the kitchen for round three.
Round three was the macaroon and meringues. Macaroons are so easy- but the round shape mattered as it needed to contrast the small geometric shapes of the cake balls and truffles. think I will buy myself the smaller cookie scoop for next year as it would have been nice to have all of them the smaller size. The meringues, which I had practiced several times, came off almost too light and flaky- so we have a container of pieces that I snack on.
They were all packaged up in little white cupcake papers and tossed into boxes with tissue paper. Each little white box will have a bow. I have a note now to look for some sort of paper to pack the boxes as the chocolate wants to leach onto the white paper. I made enough for the family event tomorrow afternoon and a extra box incase we need a fast gift , plus a couple of boxes for the neighbors who claim me.

So what of your your home made gifts went over this year and what are you thinking about for next year ?

Posted on December 24th, 2007 by Sirak
Filed under: holiday | No Comments »

The gifts are wrapped in the storage tote waiting for the magic of Santa to occur. The trees are glowing and my little snow village is lit above the entertainment center. At this point in life Christmas should be looking good.

But I can’t always say that Christmas has been good.

I think this will be one of the rotten years. No matter how hard one tries to instill the magic it will not cover the sadness of a broken family.

We are covering tradition with new rules. We are doing a Christmas Eve Dinner and a Christmas morning breakfast. My husband has been invited to both. I am hoping that he will only choose the morning as I want something special with the kids to myself. As selfish as it sounds you only have a three year old at Christmas every once and a while. I I want to see her face on Christmas night when we light the candles turn down the lights and talk about Santa Claus.

We are not having a big family dinner with my parents. Mom really can’t cook the meal. I don’t feel like transporting it 50 miles and then cleaning up at both locations. We are doing dessert only with perhaps a nice relish tray while we wait for my sister and her kids to show up.

New traditions are hard to deal with. New traditions make you appreciate the wonderment that was past. The smells of the tree lots of my youth have been replaced with an artificial tree. The once giant cookie production number has become a thing of the past. We see the nicer neighborhood lights every chance we get instead after Christmas Eve services. I would take my Grandmother who was prone to becoming agitated every year to see the lights with my young daughter ( the 21 year old) so that my Mother could enjoy the worship service.

.

With this continual evolution of change we hone our lives to fit the occasion. Suddenly the old ways are gone much like broken light sets. I wish we could figure out how to fix them again so that they would glow as new.

As we grow older times change and traditions change- what sort of holiday traditions have you created for your family ?

Posted on December 20th, 2007 by Sirak
Filed under: holiday | No Comments »